Elucidation

Falling from grace 
one pearl at a time 
Once      strung      along, 
all elegance and poise 
Now the stockings and stilettos 
leave a corpse in their wake 
A memorial 
of simpler days 
The little black dress hides 
in the back from my view, 
right next to the long 
forgotten 
shoe boxes 
It recoils from my touch 
and redirects me to the grey 
one toward the front 

Of course, I shake my head 

At the edge of my bed 
I sit looking at my things – 
all the while feeling like a stranger, 
an intruder in my own world 

Just above my head 
I sit looking at me 
looking at all those things, 
feeling like a stranger 
intruding on this world 

At the back of the closet 
sits the little black dress 
Peeking its long forgotten eyes 
around lace and cotton 
looking at the stranger 
and intruder now looking at it 

None of us noticed
the shadow on the wall 
lurking in timelessness 
Sliding the last pearl 
from the string in her hand, 
she grins and shakes her head 
“Interesting,” she says, 
extending her hand.

Grasping at New Life

Self Portrait

I do

I signed the deal that day in blood,
then sealed it with the kiss of birth.
Loyal. Faithful. Servant. Friend.
Wonder what that’s really worth.

Intoxication: love is grand.
Floating through the clouds on high.
Invincibility sets in, waving
in awe while Golden Eagles fly by.

Unveiled eyes begin to sting.
Ears that ring reach pressure points.
Innocence drowned in a paper bag,
suffocates mobility of tender joints.

There’s a glade I visit when I’m down,
to fall back upon the earth and weep.
I lie beneath the willows’ shade
and cast my cares for them to keep.

My tears, they fall from grace to dirt,
penetrating Gaia’s breast.
These tears are roots: they sow and reap.
Ash to beauty. Release most blessed.

How could I know the flowers trapped cares;
releasing them to the hummingbirds’ probe?
Nature’s nymphs, so innocent and sweet;
singing my secrets across the globe.

A melody sweet (to vultures in wait).
The mountains, they hear, along with the sky.
Once the crows catch wind, the fat lady sings.
And all I can do is eat some crow pie.

There’s a fly on the wall – no wait, there’s three:
their steely little eyes fixed upon me.
They watch as I pet that angry mutt,
and blink when it growls and pees on our tree.

Now what can I say to make any sense?
I guess I’ve got some explaining to do.
I grasp at the wind for answers in flight.
One day I might decode this thing I do.

Innocence Restored

The innocent energy those baby blues held

still kept their vigor long after they faded to hazel-green.

It’s hard to recall the moment they became so wise,

those hazel eyes.  They now looked older than their years.

It often pained me to see such innocence lost.

I wondered if I could have stopped it and at what cost.

Then one day, his prey games took a fateful turn.

Instead of chasing for sport, not knowing what else to do,

he ate that baby bird, and drew the life right out of it, too.

Now when I search the depths of those vibrant eyes,

I see the youth restored to my favorite feline’s face.

My Head Was in the Clouds All Right

Dream-filled balloons sailed away that day.
I noticed that you forgot

to tie a note on the end
of each string.
How will they know what to do
when they reach their destination?
How will I ever reconnect
with the prophecy that fills each one
with such hope?

How could you turn your back

on my dreams? It seems
silly that I even have to ask.

Dancing in the clouds
without a care in the world;
high on hopes and hopes on high.
The sky’s the limit
(for the harm they may find along the way).

Pillow-talk: one’s been pierced
by Cupid’s bolt.
It's said that the fool’s bolt is soon spent.
Those Heartsease spread like wildfire, you know;
consuming everything in their path –
and that’s just for afternoon sport.

What will become of the one
sitting within the belly of the whale
shaped cloud? Will rebellion
reign or submission sustain?
An abortion? Birthed before its time?

There’s the one that got sucked into the right
wing engine fan at the wrong time.
It’s said that it was skinned beyond recognition,
save the shiny red string that to this day
flies at attention during every run.
A confetti still dancing

as it never got the note that the party’s over.

What about the others? I suppose I’ll never know.
I never dreamed I’d need a forwarding address
the day I felt so high
with my head in the clouds,
waving at my beautiful balloons as they traveled
away from me–

floating into someone else’s reality.

Table for One

She bought a bus ticket goin’ anywhere
Nighttime’s always the loneliest time

Walking the boulevard; she’s a shadow within the shadows
Blending into the darkness, she hopes to dull the awkwardness
Streetlights mock the nightlife just across the street
Happy faces headed toward intimate places;
their breadcrumb trail disintegrates
before it can illuminate the way

She ducks into the corner diner. “Table for one.”
Empathy’s out of fashion; the hostess rolls her eyes
Pulling out a book, she hopes to dull the awkwardness
Formalities skipped, the tension fills the air
Without a second to spare, the waitress jots the order
and retreats back to where the air isn’t so stale

One act down, the street envelops the shadow again
Any lounge will do: worn red carpet wins tonight
With a few drinks in her, she hopes to dull the awkwardness
The dance floor’s full, she knows she’ll blend in enough
So much time passes. The loneliness cuts like a knife
Licking her wounds, she’s about to call it a night

when she feels the warmth of a taker within reach
He tests the boundaries, at first without his hands
The exploration begins. Hands, lips, tongues inflame
Back rooms, back alleys: What’s the difference?
They’re all the same. Just another dark place of hiding
serving a higher power for hit-and-run relations

In an instant it’s over; she and her shadow reunite
Filled once again with emptiness, she’s hollow
All she ever wanted was to be loved
She boards the bus more broken than when she arrived
The darkness sinks his teeth in, releasing
bone-chilling venom that seeps deep
into the new cracks and settles in for the night

Ready to Explode

A little man resides inside me. 
He’s been confined to my mind 
for some time. Even my 
therapist agrees. Today, he’s escaped; 
he’s running amuck. What the… 
my air’s been cut off, and I think 
he’s ripped a hole in my heart. 
He’s wearing a path from my head 
to my heart. A burning rises; 
my throat’s on fire! Are those toxins 
cursing through my veins? I knew 
refusing the meds was a stupid thing 
to do. This torch runner’s crazed; 
he’s set my mind ablaze. I’m burning 
up here! Bubbling over, the steam’s 
consuming my screams. I want out!

It’s Always Winter Here

Bursting at the seams 

Exvibranimate 

Yet, it’s always winter here 

Buds of passion test the forecast 

Dorpeekmant 

While axis orbit skips another beat 

Shards of glass soil window-box garden 

Compermafrost 

The Snow Queen and her snow bees’ never ending rein 

Dying to bloom in due season 

Birdeath 

As frozen time and space paint
the smile on Jadis’ face 

A spark of hope that drop does make 

Isothermalite 

Yet day's short while bright; all’s cloaked in night

Coming or Going (Going Nowhere, revised)

Sonnet 10: Restless Spirit Roams

My mind is cleared. My soul is not at rest.

An empty mind is tempted with this test:

What will you fill me up with once I’m cleared?

Will you replace the clutter with what’s feared?

Or be sparked by Prometheus’ veiled fires

     and stock it with the things of heart’s desires?

Perhaps it’s time to build on solid ground

     with truths and tribulations proved most sound.

Selection is a process, not a task;

     it's not a time to form another mask.

Importance should be placed on choosing wise

     and balanced thoughts – not fantasies or lies.

I’m standing at the door; I’m looking in.

I’m really still not sure where to begin.

Alone Space in this Cold Place - To be Published in the BAC Street Journal

This daily grind is wearing to the bone:

My wheels are spinning while I run in place.

How many times do I have to be told

to guard my heart from growing hard and cold,

and bite my tongue or find myself alone?

I’m blowing out hot air in empty space.

My mind’s a mess; I’m orbiting in space.

Just floating out there, chilling to the bone;

I’m going nowhere, feeling all alone.

Quite unprepared to dress for such a place,

I bundle up. “This world is very cold

and ruthless in its ways,” so I’ve been told.

So many times I wish I would have told

you how I feel about this stale airspace.

Then instead of leaving me out in the cold,

now and again you’d throw me a small bone

to satisfy me in this stagnant place,

you’d be with me. Yet here I am alone.

I have this fear of being all alone;

It’s bottled up with other things untold.

Trying to fit in, I’m out of place:

just like the odd stone in a herringbone

design; it’s cut to fit into the space,

and then once changed, emotions are acold.

You break my heart with cutting words so cold.

They break me down. Can’t you leave me alone?

How can you say these things? I have a bone

to pick with you; and once you have been told

my thoughts, my mind and heart will have the space

to fill the new uncluttered, empty place…

Can’t love take over bitter’s prior place?

Let freedom rule by purging all the cold

and dying things once hidden in that space.

“Life’s too short to go it all alone.”

These words of wisdom often I’ve been told,

but living by them takes more than backbone.

Within this space, I know my place:

I’ll bruise the bone; I’ll bear the cold.

I’m not alone is what I’m told.

Room with a View Meets L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E Poetry

Season Fade and So Do They

Here for a season, or so, they “come and go talking of Michelangelo.” [1]
Never rooting, just tilling – never planning for a harvest
Here today, gone tomorrow, leaving a breadcrumb trail of sorrow
Heartstrings snuggly connected. Were they not detected?
Over plucked cords are soon rejected. The grass is surely greener,
brighter, full of new life on the other side of the horizon
I guess there’s nothing more to say. Their words disappear,
picked up and carried away in the winds of yesterday
Why’d I look back? I’ve learned that lesson the hard way
Now rooted, a vibrant and healthy soul. Do I stay or do I go?
The cycle of rebuilding and starting again has grown old
It’s so cold without the comfort of their warmth. It’s so cold
The weeping willow shudders, folding in on her solitary darkness


[1] From Eliot's "The Love Song of Alfred Prufrock"

There for the Picking

The stem of eVery rose has a thorn
It’s a wonder I’ve survived so many pricks
A renewed wOund heals slowly, if at all
An empty souL is really full of spent blossoms
Trusting is scAry business, if it can even be done
To be safe: a Thing both desired and extinct
Willing...imagIning my no meaning no. Plucked; undone
Fallen petals On overgrown grass is this
disappointmeNt in its many forms of bloom

You Stopped that I’d Take Notice

Silver flash of light
     the sky’s in bloom today
How graceful in your flight
     a grey and white delight

Symbol of peace: blesséd watchful eye
     Purity. Sacred
     Spirit of love and hope

goddess of the Morning Star
     riding grace she calls her own
     The pet she can’t confine

You are mine, while I am yours
     A cageless soul-to-soul
     bond in realms unseen

So divine; your spirit fills the air
     your spirit is the air
I breathe you in and eat you with my eyes
     I am full. I see you, and I know
My eye’s on things above
     sweet spirit of the Dove

Room with a View (Within Glass Bubble revised)

Glass shards under nails
Shattered dreams
snow flakes make

Solitary fish cry [1]
dies
trapped in this glass
Fists held high
These walls run deep

Day draws nigh;
no sleep

Stagnant air;
breathe to sigh
Misty morning
waxes dry

Where to hide?
Small space:
old places, same faces

Tipped over, upside down;
flakes fall:
drown

Smile masks pain
Yet can’t
erase           yesterday, today,
tomorrow

Same small space:
rat race
Rancid pace preserves


[1] Taken from Wolfgang Borchert’s Do Stay, Giraffe

Vortex Portal

There’s an internal drawer
I’ve recently discovered
I can’t tell you where it is
that would be cheating
Its contents remain a mystery
The journey to its discovery
has left an interesting impression
I could tell you what’s in there
but where’s the fun in that?
You must find it on your own
if you dare
Only the adventurous need apply
The four-dimensional stuff
can be found near the front
The rest must have slid


to the back of the drawer.

Maladaptive Minute Hand

1 

reason: Voice of

2 

Solitaire sophisticate

3 

Pep-talking fool

4 

Pathological rationalizer

5 

Target turned

6 

soundboard

7 

Lightbulb

8 

turns the key

9 

Victory?

10 

Reason

11 

Rewind

12 

and hit play:

1 

reason…

Volatile Vacillator

He was dead, alright.
I should know: I killed him,
then rejoiced that it was finally over.
Yet
he always came back for more.

That smirk of his
ignited my fury; fanned my flame.
“You’re dead,” I said.
“Like that matters. You’ve killed me before.”
“But I watched you incinerate while I dodged your daggers.”
“The ones that pierced through your heart?” he asked
with regret. “Oh no, I made sure they hit their target.”

That look! How it shifted the coals upon
my heart.
Fire
blazed
passion,
killing all shame.
Desire now coursed my veins.
Such rapturous Fire!

We put down our weapons;
the killing was done.
Doing what we did best,
we became
one.

After seeing this in print, it almost felt poetically entertaining

                                    Found Weekend To Do List

 1. Audit receivables to get hubby off back
 2. Reconcile bank statements to avoid further “banking fees”
 3. Take kid #1 to dermatologist to avoid being “the worst mom ever!”
 4. Remember to pick kid #2 up from second night sleepover
 5. Paint kid #1’s bedroom, after:
 6. Ride kid #3’s butt to get rest of crap out of old room
 7. Attack mountain of laundry that is now yelling back in disgust
 8. Prepare for Monday’s tax return appointment without panicking that
     books have been neglected since August
 9. Clear from great room the abandoned crap from kid #1’s old room
10. Go through two weeks worth of mail and try not to cry
11. Cleverly find funds to make minimum payments and mortgage on time
12. Work on homework and submissions
13. Remember to eat, and drinking might be a smart addition
14. Meet hubby’s needs and expectations
15. Random pile of patching and other tasks unforeseen
16. Keep optimism that there might be time left for me

***Note to self: soccer and softball practices start on Monday

This Beautiful Mind is Bright: A Mirror Image of Gertrude Stein

A tribute to Stein’s “If I Told Him: A Complete Portrait of Picasso”

by Jenifer DeBellis

Sunshine, hey sunshine, sunshine hey;
you’re bright. You’re bright sunshine; bright sunshine you are. Are you?
You are.
Does little Johnny Nash know he’s bright? He’s bright; bright he is. Is bright Johnny Nash, Jr. still little?
No.
Not little?
Little not.
Not.
Not odd odd not.
Not odd. Not. No?
Arithmetic adds subtracts numbers. Integers are problems. Problems are integers: numbers.  Subtracts arithmetic, arithmetic adds. Adds and adds and adds and adds. Solutions; sets of values.Values set the solutions. Values set, set you see. See you seeing you seeing me.
You see me?
Set.
Value you seeing me.
See values.
Set.
Values of set solutions. Society’s set of values…do they satisfy the set of given inequalities?
Inequalities.
Given inequalities.
Inequalities given John Forbes Nash, Jr. Johnny Nash given inequalities and inequalities given sum. Sum of the parts must equal the whole. Whole, the equal must part from the sum. Sums and sums and so and so, parts are whole. Whole inequalities are summed. Summed up as a whole.
Brilliant!
Brilliant sums the parts. Whole parts can’t sum the image. Image image and image of image.
Image sum can’t part; its whole parts can’t sum image. Image is brilliant. Brilliant is that
image sum. Some parts whole, yet whole parts none.
None.
One.
Not one.
Two.
Two for one.
Then none, or one. Eleanor: one, was one; two. Two one was, then one was three. Three can’t be, can’t be three. Three! Three’s an inequality. No sum. No sum is three. Three can’t be. Be three?
One.
Silence.
Formulate.
Formulate formulas. Formulas formulate formulas, so formulas can formulate. Must formulate so formulas can formulate.
“Formulas first.”
Who said formulas first? He’s after him, he is. Is he after him? He is. He is is he after him and after him is he? He?
Who is he who’s after him? Who’s after him? They’re after him; they’re all after him.
After him they are.
Are they?
Silence.
Sweet silence.
As silence is sweet, silence is.
As winter sun.
Has winter sun. Sun winter has. As winter has sun. Sun has.
As winter sun.
Brilliant.
Brilliant and bright. You’re bright sunshine. Hey winter sunshine, you’re bright.  Allow me to say what’s in a beautiful mind. A beautiful mind.

Who does she think she is?

She knocks on the door;
       she wants to come in.

I say, “It’s unlocked.”
There’s silence again.

She makes my lids drop;
       she teases me so.

Oh, how I’m aroused,
       I sigh.

                  She knows.
She whispers to me,
       “I’ve called you by name.”
Then laughs in my ear.
       “Don’t you hear me dear?”

My eyes are burning;
       I want to let go.
Madness is churning,
       rattling me so.

“Silly little child,”
       she says in a trill voice.
“Isn’t it time?”

“Time,”
       I tell her,
“is the enemy beast.
So much of it goes by
       without reprieve,
I’m aghast.” 

                “I know.”
She smiles back;
       her grin has worn thin.
“With arms wide open,
       I’ve invited you in.”

                  “That’s such a lie!”
Now I’m mad. I’ve had it.
She’s really whacked.

Energized once more,
       she knocks on my door.

"Sparked" to Life

Out of the ashes (of something even tragic)
she finds her will
Crawling through the cruel dirt
she climbs that dark hill
A run for her life; she’s gotta find self
The waters of life are consuming;
she must breathe for herself
Do you know where you’ll be in an hour?
In a Day? A week? Even a year?
Run, darlin’, run
Felicitous spirit overcomes the fear
A cry for help;
they don’t even see her. Can't hear
or be bothered in their zombie state
She’s all alone,
but she has her spirit
She’s tired and cold
but she’s taken hold of her fate.

Inspired by:

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Within this glass bubble

Shards of glass under nails
Shattered
dreams
these snow flakes make

Fish cry
dies
Trapped
in this globe

Fists held high
These walls
run
deep

Day draws nigh,
no sleep

Stagnant air;
breathe to sigh
Misty morning
turns
dry cry

Where to hide?
Small spaces,
old places,
same faces

Tipped over,
upside down
New flakes
fall;
drown

Smile in place
masks
pain
from face
Yet can’t erase

Same small space
Rat race
sets
the rancid pace

Same bubble
Different Day